Why I'm still alive

Why am I still alive? Because:

1. I haven't killed myself

2. No one has killed me (yet?)

3. It's not yet my time (Hindi pa ko kinukuha ni Lord).

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I've been having fights with my mom lately. I think it's mostly my fault. During fights, she goes on about how I should learn to respect, blah blah blah. Oh come on, I have my reasons why I "talk back".

Yesterday, when we were quarreling... after we exchanged some words, she threw pillows at me, and failed to hit me. So binagsak niya yung isa sa kin. I was left unfazed. So she told me some more... words, and blah blah, she'll kick me next time. I was like, Yes, yes, yes, yes. I really couldn't give a shit. Blah blah. Alam ko namang mali ako ( like, after I went into my room). But before that, she punched me in the arm. A lot. To be honest, it didn't really hurt. Seriously, I'm used to physical abuse because of my brother, my sister, football(the ball, it keeps hitting me) and taekwondo (hooray for self defense).

Blah blah blah.

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So yeah, because of these fights, I've been thinking about how I should just go die because I make people feel bad and other stuff. Heck, I've been thinking of suicide before I went on vacation. Thankfully, I'm still here, still alive. Yes, I have more reasons on why I'm still alive.

-People need me(not that I'm vain or anything, but I have friends and other family members that need me)

-I might go to hell if I kill myself (well yeah, it's against the 10 commandments)

-I still have a lot ahead of me (my career, love, nurturing my talents, etc.)

-May reason kung bakit I'm going through this.. (fate, God)

So yeah, thanks to my optimism, I haven't killed myself. And I don't think I will. Never. Never, ever, ever.
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I've seen what suicide can do to people that they love. Hmm.. may narinig kasi akong may nagpakamatay sa area namin dahil binubully siya. Hindi taga school namin, pero malapit. Grabe, nung nakita ko yung iba kong kaklase... pulang pula yung mga mukha at mata sa kakaiyak. Nakita ko ring ang ibang friends ko sa FB kung magreact. Grabe, ang lungkot talaga. Totoo nga na suicide doesn't end the pain, it just passes it on to others.

Pati ako naapektohan sa pagkawala niya. Kaya pinagdasal ko siya.
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END.