Ugh. I've been crying over [see post below] ever since I don't know. Kanina, I was playing with Cathy as I promised, then my mom called me. She told me about yung student loan thingy. She said example, if $100 000 ang tuition fee ng isang course sa college, the government will pay 80% of it and you can pay the remaining 20%, tapos wala pang deadline, so my mom told me I could be anything I want. She said pwede na talaga ako maging doctor. Coincidentially, earlier, I watched something about a refugee from Sedan who lives in Adelaide. She went here because of the war in Sedan. Anyway, she wanted to go back because her countrymen were being killed in the war while she was here not experiencing the war. Anyway, her husband went there for a visit and then suddenly stayed there for good. Nagtayo ata ng business. Anyway, it was her childhood dream to be a doctor. She graduated somewhere in 2000, and she was trying to get an internship, but the medical board wouldn't let her because she hasn't been doing anything since then [because of her children and her husband not letting her, I think]. Anyway, a hospital accepted her to be an intern. I found out what interns do, and now I'm a bit scared of being a doctor because it's life we're talking about. You diagnose, predict the prognosis of the disease and do something about it. Anyway, it seems really scary because I heard that if she makes a mistake or something, she will immediately kicked out by the hospital [I think. I can't really remember.] Anyway, you have to do emergency rounds, night shift rounds and another one that I forgot. Then she passed her internship after several gruelling months.
Back to the original topic. So I asked my mom, So hindi ako uuwi pagdating ng college? Sabi niya, kung what's best daw for us. Sabi niya kasi, kung yung sarili niya lang yung iisipin niya, ang mas gusto niya diyan. ... Eh ako rin eh. That's where I grew up, where my friends, relatives and pets are. Pero she says, she wants a better opportunity for us... sabi niya, kung diyan daw ako after college graduation, a starting salary would be somewhere around P8000 while here, mga $4000 ang starting salary which is about P160 000. ... Pero yun nga, ang namimiss ko diyan eh yung mga kaibigan at school... ... Pag bumalik nga ako, ano pang maaabutan ko? Hiwahiwalay na nga kasi after highschool. Y-Y
She gave me another option this week. Magipon muna dito for several years [I don't know how many years she was talking about.] Then magtayo ng business diyan then work. BUt I'd probably be in my mid or late 20s. So, anong maaabutan ko dun? Di ba mas lalong nagkalayo pa ang magkakaibigan pag ganun? Kasi may asawa na, lumipat somewhere else because of a job... u.u
Ano nang gagawin ko? Siyempre school is out of the picture, but I really wanna come back because of my friends. [and the weather].
*sigh* I was so relaxed earlier. Why did my mum have to bring it up? y-y *sigh*
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On this day, God wants you to know
... that you can fool others, sometimes even yourself, but God always knows your truth. Uncomfortable, painful, even scary at times, truth is always better than lies. Remember, God always knows.
Does that mean I'm staying here? ):
u,u
I SERIOUSLY need a hug. u.u
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END.
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